Now tell me baby what I have to do to make you see what you mean to me.

I don't know what else to do to show my love for you

Tell me what makes her so much better than me?

Tell me something baby, does she still mean the world to you????

What do I have to do for you to notice me?

Do I have to lay on my back for you to know I am there???

Now tell me baby is an hour enough for you?

Cuz I want to spend every waking moment with you.

I see my life passing by while I sit here and wait for you.

You just don't see what I do for you, I push my friends away for you.

I don't know anything about you, I feel like you hide from me.

Now tell me baby, can you hear me when I cry at night?

All I want to do is just hold you tight.

I want to fight for you, and make you happier than you have ever been.

Tell me baby, am I just a friend, or can I be more.

Now tell me baby what do I have to do to make you love me?

To make you spend all your time with me?

Tell me, would you change for me???

All I want for you is to be happy, I just want to give you the world baby.

Now tell me baby, would you stop pushing me away and shout to the would I am your girl?

Tell me baby do you believe in me? would you fight till the end for me?

We talk about everything but can we talk about you and me?

Can I tell you I love you, and would you tell me I love you too?

Now tell me baby do you remember our first time together??

I remember when I would screamed your name , and you said hold it steady baby.

Tell me baby would you be happy with me being your only girl???

Can you handle us together or let me go forever?

Now tell me baby what's it gonna be?

This is a desperate cry from me!

Poem By:

Luscious L.

I can't believe it's been a yeah already, time is just flying by. I don't even remember the last time I wrote a blog. Anyway let me update you on what's been going on with me, I hope everyone's sitting down. lol ;0) Ok So It's been a crazy year for me. I think I've changed so much, I'm still the same sweet, lovable Luisa you've grown to love I just see everything in a whole new light. I grew some huge Cojones! lol I used to be scared of taking chances and going for it but recently I've looked fear in the face and went for it anyway. I've done things I would have never done on my own. I also love myself a little more, I don't know about you but I think I'm fucking BOSS! lol Anyway I learned to appreciate all the good things I have in my life. I know sometimes you take things for granted but nothing good last forever. I think the death of someone makes you realize how you shouldn't hold grudges, just love those who love you and appreciate them while they are here with us cuz you never really know when you'll see them again. I've gotten hurt, shocked and felt like I wanted to die but I'm stronger than what I gave myself credit for. Always keep your head up no matter what because pain doesn't last forever. I've also gotten my self in lots of trouble but that's nothing new. ;0) lol I also left American Express. I know! SHOKING! lol After three years I would never have thought I would leave that place! lol I started working for Columbia University which I really liked, I loved working with so many great people. Some of the people these were so nice and sweet to me, they made me laugh till I fell over. It was a complete different atmosphere then Amex. The only thing I hated about Columbia were the hours, I hated working so late and getting home at 2am, It just wasn't for me. So after three months, I left and started working for a catering company in Hackensack, but that didn't last long. And just like that the year is over. Its been a hard year but I'm always grateful everything and everyone in my life. So the new year started and I got laid off, but I'm ok with that. New year, new start, new beginning. The hard part is letting go of some of the old stuff but I'll be ok. I know this year will be a lot different, A whole lot of new. I can't wait. I'll try to write a little more when I can.

I wish you no harm, nothing but that best, and all the happiness in the world. ( You know who you are)

That's all I've got for now! :)

~ Weezy

10/30/10

Inspiration

I was looking for some inspiration lately, something to write about but there is nothing I can say or maybe nothing I really want to talk about. Nothing much has changed really. Tried to quit my job with no success. Every time I try to quit they find a way to make me doubt myself and stay. My diet didn’t last long either. I eat like I’m trying to fill a hole that is definitely not hunger. I keep trying to change something , maybe even trying to change myself, but everything seams strangely the same. When someone breaks you heart, when you lose something special, when someone dies, the world doesn’t care. The sun will still rise again tomorrow and the earth will keep rotating like it always did. The world stops for no one, even when you think the world is over for you.
I’ve been trying to be very cautious. Slow baby steps if you will. Maybe I’m making a big mistake by letting something good pass me by but I’m scared. Maybe I’m just not ready, but mostly scared to have my heart disappointed again. I rather take my caution and stay behind and admire from afar. If you truly love someone, then the only thing you want for them is to be happy....even if its not with you. I’m far beyond repair so maybe the best thing for me to do is step back and let others be happy.
I know life’s not perfect so I’m trying to look beyond all the bad shit and stay positive. I have a new outlook this year, even when shit is falling apart around be I refuse to lay down in defeat. I’m determined to move along with the flow just to get thru the day with some hope . I know most day I fake it but I’m determine to fake it till I make it. I recently joined the gym and I’m gonna work that into my dull existence till I get used to that being a part of my daily routine. I got a nook so I’ve been reading more often, a good distraction you could say. Although the books I choose to read pick at my unhealed wounds a little. I’ve always been a little masochistic and that still hasn’t change. I still find a way to have my heart beating 10000 mph. I could always find a ways to indulge myself but I always know it will always end up hurting me, painful pleasure it you will.
I refuse to hate because that word had never been in my vocabulary and I refuse to regret because how can you regret something that once made you soo happy. I now only believe in going forward and hoping time would make it easier to breathe and move on. No point in looking back with all the pointless what if’s. No matter what happens now what’s done is done and what’s said is said. Nothing will ever change the past all you can do is except it and keep on moving forward………
　
One baby step at a time,

Weezy

xoxox

AFTER THE STORM!

I've been up and down and upside down for so long that now that I'm standing straight I can't tell the difference. I'm out of the water but I still can't breathe. Everything is broken in pieces but it was never whole in the first place. The tears used to fall on the outside and now they fall within. Everything is in its place, nothing is missing but nothing seems right. I was hanging on a noose tiptoeing on hope but that was pulled from under me. I used to have nothing and now I have less. You want to disappear but the spot light is on you so you cant even hide. The mask is on, so from the outside the structure seems whole but inside there is nothing but chaos. Sometimes I still feel caught up in the storm like a phantom pain that lingers from the past. Afraid to move cuz you'll fall. Afraid to yell because nothing might come out. Afraid of the memories that haunt you, but terrified to lose them because that's all you've got now. I hold my breath because I’m afraid you’ll see my heart pounding thru my chest. Afraid to lose composure and breakdown. Time is no longer relevant, because you're stuck in the hands of time. The ride stopped but I keep spinning. So what can you say or what can you do when its all said and done? Its my fault for jumping into a whirlpool with nothing to old on to. The after effect are still going on so every wind knocks me back down. So many people around but I'm still alone. Something that I once seemed so sure to lose is now finally gone. There is nothing else to fear when everything you feared finally came true. Now that the storm is over I should be at peace but the storm is all I've know and all I've lived.

Patiently waiting for the sunshine after the rain.............

Weezy

Insanities

Lets toast to moving on for a better 2010!

Hmmmm so where to start??? I’m not quite sure what happened or how I got here but something happened then everything started spinning out of control and the next thing you know we’re in 2010! Funny how one thing leads to another and things just go from bad to worse. I’m not one to broadcast my problems nor do I like when people get involve in things that are none of their business, but that’s what I think happened here. Some with good intentions try and help and others get in the way with their own conniving agendas. I know must of us are grown so they don’t need me to tell them what to do or who to see or who to talk to. Must people can come to their own conclusions as to what’s right and wrong, just like people can chose to believe what they want. I don’t want to get into too much details but contrary to believes there is nothing I’ve done that I wouldn’t do again nor anything crazy enough that anyone I know wouldn’t do. Its funny that someone who’s done worse has the audacity to judge me. Trust me I’m not smart enough to break into or hack into anything, nor I’m I that desperate for someone who really after so many years thinks I’m this monster. If a supposed friend was calling me insane than maybe she’s the one with questionable morals. I’m not the one being caught in a web of lies. Someone who’s so oblivious to what’s she’s doing its kinds sad really. I have NOTHING to hide or lie about and It’s true that you never really know someone but there are those people that I would trust with my life and those that I would never give a second chance to. I rather have one person in my life that I can trust with my life than have 200 “friends”. If there’s one thing that 2009 has tough me is to listen to my guts and go with my instinct because nothing is what it seems. I would never go and purposely hurt or lie to someone I cared about. My only sin was maybe caring for someone too much, and I tried to get away and run but you were always the one to bring me back. You were the one that create this “monster” so why blame me for your doing? Why not let me go like I try to do so many times? All I wanted was to be left alone so I can move on. I just want to leave all this stupid nonsense behind and move on. Everyone has their own drama. their own problems, and its always easier to see and solve someone else’s problems, but I’m a grown as woman that can deal with her own issues. Lets be grown ups here cuz I’m not out there talking shit about anyone nor do I go around convincing people you’re the devil. It’s sad that it all had to come to this but now I know who’s who. So lets stop with all the bull shit nonsense and move on. There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with the people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all life is too short to be anything but happy. So lets stop the cruelty and you dont have to believe or agree with me but all i'm asking for is to be left alone. Thanks and have a wonderful life.

Luisa M. Gonzalez

Nada es para Siempre

I cant believe Thanksgiving is over and now just a few more weeks till Christmas. The older you get the faster time seems to fly. I had a great Thanksgiving not only because I didn’t have to cook but because I got to see family I haven’t seen in a long time. Its so easy to lose touch with people and at the same time regain that friendship with someone you haven’t seen in a long time. Holidays can be though , sometimes it doesn’t matter how many family and friends are around you sometimes you cant help it but feel alone. Its not that you don’t feel grateful but more like you’re missing something, with brings me to this next question. Can you lose something you never really had?? Or should it hurt less losing something if you never really had it? Well I don’t know people say you make your own happiness but something’s are out of our control. People do and feel things that are not logical but how do you stop that? How do you not feel possessive over someone who’s not your’s? How do you regain trust in someone who you once cared about?? Sometimes I wish I could go back to where times were simpler but knowing what I know now I wouldn’t go back for anything. I’ve learned time were not simpler but more like I was blind and it just seemed that way, besides I think I’m stronger and wiser now. Its sad to say but something’s will ever be the same. I’m not 100% there yet but I’ve been making great progress. Yes I relapse now and them, but sometimes I just cant help myself. I’m just waiting for time to do its things. You cant move on when the source of your problem lingers around you, the best time is to move on and let them go. I'm just waiting till i'm finally free till I no longer have to feel guilty and empty every time someone else is lying next to me. I cant wait till I finally close this chapter, and I can finally move on. No pain last forever, now if I can only fast forward till then…………

New Years Resolution; Stop thinking with my heart and be a little more rational when it comes to matters of the heart!

Just remember, Karma is a bitch. What goes around comes back around.

This chapter is now closed.

Till next time

Weezy

xoxo

Drama Free Life

Another Angry Blog! This is just part of my anger management program. Because I rather write than beat the shit out of someone! Oh and because I write my best work when I‘m angry and alone in my head! Not that I’m angry or anything! ;o)~ lol

Ok this is it! And only cuz I know you’ve been waiting for this so you can over analyze it or misinterpret it to your liking, but honestly I don’t give a shit what you think so here it is. My weapon of mass destruction, because I know it drives you crazy not knowing what I’m really thinking right??? And because my writing always have a double meaning to it ;o) lol So here it is:

I should have been an actress, I wanna be front and center stage! Give me lights, I wanna put on a show! I wanna be the star, a diva! but I don’t want to play the protagonist, the victim. I wanna play the villain, the bitch the bad one! They always have the most fun! Like I say a good girl is only a bad girl that never gets caught! ;o)~ See my problem is I’m very indecisive, I change my mind a thousand times a day(Same with my emotions). My other problem is that I never finish what I started. I do shit half way or just never finish or fully commit to something. Here is my last problem. I can be a little too nice. I rather not tell you the truth because knowing me I wanna spare your feeling or some shit like that. I’m quite and I like to watch people. My favorite(People I fucking loath) are people that create drama and drown themselves in it. They like to put themselves in the middle of the drama even if the drama is not even about them. They like the attention, they like to play the victim and have everyone feel sorry for them. These are also the easiest people to torture, just give them drama that they cant solve and see how easily they step back. We are all grown ups here so we all make mistakes. No one is perfect, I sometimes act irrational or out of anger but I know right from wrong and I can always right my wrongs. I know the company I keep, my closest friends, my enemy, my family, people I can trust. But truth is that you never really know someone. Just like you’ll never know why you love certain people , why we do the stupid things we do, why you could never love someone, why you hate the little things people do or why is it so easy to judge other people’s problems but your own. Unless you’ve walked on someone else’s shoes you’ll never really know. We all see and react to things differently. Like I said in the beginning I change my mind a thousand times a day, so leave me the fuck alone, and let me be angry so that I can hate you for my own irrational reasons. Tomorrow is a new day so ask me again how I feel, who knows I might love you again tomorrow. Let me be who I wanna be, let me act how I wanna act. Just let me be me, Irrational, emotional and crazy me. If you don’t like it than let me go and let me move on with my life. I can’t and wont explain myself as well as I wont apologies for my actions or my emotions. I’m a trouble maker so I’m giving you a jail free card. Run for your life and never look back. I wish you the best of luck and I know you’ll understand and thank me one day. There’s only so much a girl can take before she gets it but I’ve finally got it and I know myself. I wont be able to take or endure much of this so I’m running too. Far away from you were I can find my sanity and get over you. Nothing would be quite the same. This would be a new chapter, a new adventure. I’m gonna be just fine. I’m gonna learn to be more cautious. Also learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes and be careful what I say. But most Importantly who I say things too and who I trust. I gotta say I lost respect for a few people and their stupid judgment. That’s it! Take that as you will. That’s all I got for now.

For a better and drama free tomorrow.

Simply me!

Weezy

xoxo