Questions

I swear I feel like my brain just never stops. I think this is why I cant sleep at night cuz my brain is always on. I don’t know how many questions I ask myself everyday. Like what to expect when your expecting? I’m not pregnant but I would like to know. Also why do I feel so violated every time I go to the Gyno? I know she’s a doctor but still its hard not to feel awkward when your vagina is in some woman’s face. My Favorite question is when I’m I ever gonna go back to Providence?? Rhode Island sucks ass but some of my besties live there so I think I should make the effort! And why is it that all these old men are always hitting on me? Ewww seriously! And the question I ask myself everyday is what the fuck is wrong with me?? Geez! Trust me you don’t want to know what goes on in my head on a daily basis, Its quite scary. Lol Like the other day I was on the path on my way to work and I was listening to my Ipod kinda loud and I wondered if these people where judging me by my music choice. Not that I gave a fuck but I wonder if people judge me by the music I listen to?? Idk its weird things like this I wonder from day to day! When I see people making out I wonder if they really love each other. If there is such thing as true love. Sometimes I stare at people and wonder what their life is like and if they are hiding any horrible secrets. lol When I lay down at night I wonder if I ever cross your mind or if you ever randomly think of me or dream about me? Do you miss me? I try to write every night before I go to bed, even though I don’t post most of it but this helps me organize my thoughts and find meaning in all the craziness. I’ve come a long way, yes I’ve changed from the naïve little girl I used to be. Now I’ve grown to become a smart young woman. Wiser and respected I hope. I’ve been angry lately, at myself mostly, but that’s not who I am. I myself don’t know exactly who yet but I’m working on becoming a better person. I want to love myself and be the reason I’m happy not find my happiness in someone else. I don’t want to be that girl that doesn’t have a life other than her man. I want to have my own friends and rely on myself. I don’t want to have to rely on someone else or be defined by who I’m with. I want to be my own person, proud of everything I do. Having this questions is a normal part of life especially questions you have about yourself and your life. I’m gonna be happy and I’m gonna be me whether you like it or not. Don’t let anyone stand in your way and always ask those hard questions, they make you who you are.

P.S. I know I said I wasn’t going to write till certain people stepped up their game but I’ve realized that you cant make someone do something that they don’t want to. Their empty promises and indifference should not stop me from doing what I want or restrain me from saying what I have to. So with that said I’ll be writing till I no longer find words.

Till I no longer miss you ,

Weezy