Inspiration

I was looking for some inspiration lately, something to write about but there is nothing I can say or maybe nothing I really want to talk about. Nothing much has changed really. Tried to quit my job with no success. Every time I try to quit they find a way to make me doubt myself and stay. My diet didn’t last long either. I eat like I’m trying to fill a hole that is definitely not hunger. I keep trying to change something , maybe even trying to change myself, but everything seams strangely the same. When someone breaks you heart, when you lose something special, when someone dies, the world doesn’t care. The sun will still rise again tomorrow and the earth will keep rotating like it always did. The world stops for no one, even when you think the world is over for you.
I’ve been trying to be very cautious. Slow baby steps if you will. Maybe I’m making a big mistake by letting something good pass me by but I’m scared. Maybe I’m just not ready, but mostly scared to have my heart disappointed again. I rather take my caution and stay behind and admire from afar. If you truly love someone, then the only thing you want for them is to be happy....even if its not with you. I’m far beyond repair so maybe the best thing for me to do is step back and let others be happy.
I know life’s not perfect so I’m trying to look beyond all the bad shit and stay positive. I have a new outlook this year, even when shit is falling apart around be I refuse to lay down in defeat. I’m determined to move along with the flow just to get thru the day with some hope . I know most day I fake it but I’m determine to fake it till I make it. I recently joined the gym and I’m gonna work that into my dull existence till I get used to that being a part of my daily routine. I got a nook so I’ve been reading more often, a good distraction you could say. Although the books I choose to read pick at my unhealed wounds a little. I’ve always been a little masochistic and that still hasn’t change. I still find a way to have my heart beating 10000 mph. I could always find a ways to indulge myself but I always know it will always end up hurting me, painful pleasure it you will.
I refuse to hate because that word had never been in my vocabulary and I refuse to regret because how can you regret something that once made you soo happy. I now only believe in going forward and hoping time would make it easier to breathe and move on. No point in looking back with all the pointless what if’s. No matter what happens now what’s done is done and what’s said is said. Nothing will ever change the past all you can do is except it and keep on moving forward………
　
One baby step at a time,

Weezy

xoxox